What would I say to House if I met him?
Often, very late into the night – or waking up in the morning, or while my boring boss drones on and on at me about spreadsheets and the wonders of Microsoft Excel.. – I find myself having an imaginary conversation with House MD. He is rude, obnoxious, clearly wanting to get away from me, but in the reality I have built he can’t. Why? Because there are no doors or windows…
Often, very late into the night – or waking up in the morning, or while my boring boss drones on and on at me about spreadsheets and the wonders of Microsoft Excel.. – I find myself having an imaginary conversation with House MD. He is rude, obnoxious, clearly wanting to get away from me, but in the reality I have built he can’t. Why? Because there are no doors or windows or entry or exit points. In fact, the only things in the room are me and House. There is a vent on the wall, and fortunately we don’t need food to survive because we have an eternity’s worth of frustrated conversation.
But this is not reality, of course. Which is a fine thing, because if it was then I’d be arrested for keeping House prisoner (there are worse things you can be arrested for, but I still think I’d rather not be arrested at all).
In reality, I don’t know what I would say to House – if my nerves beat me down and made my mouth useless. But if I was carrying the following piece of paper, with all these points written on it, things would be very different. It would be great and I would ask him this:
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So House, have you heard of laser hair removal sheffield ? (This would be to baffle him into submission so that the next words I would say would be heard loud and clear and the contrast would be sudden and jolt him into saying something witty!) And, by the way, what did you want to be when you were small? To this I expect House would make some snide remark about now being a grumpy old man. Which would be perfect!
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So House – this one would be to get him annoyed with me – do you think there is anyone on Earth who is actually grumpier than you are? Somehow I doubt it. (I reckon this one would get him to smile, because he loves it when people give him abuse, doesn’t he? I mean, to be honest it’s what he lives for!)
- I was wondering, House, do you think you could give me $100? (This one, wow, I think this one would really get him going. In a matter of seconds he’d be shouting abuse at me left and right, and within a minute he’d want to walk out…but here’s the really COOL thing. He wouldn’t be able to, and that’d only make him angrier, which would be great!)
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